Watch this video before continuing to read... otherwise spoiler alerts. This post will take some time to watch and read... probably about 25 minutes or so.

So, my Life Group and I watched this video last night. Yes, I know it's Rob Bell and there is a lot of hoopla surrounding him right now, but I've overcome that (that's another God thing in my life). But we watched this video together as a group. But before that, I watched it by myself so I could "prepare" for our discussion. Little did I know I would be so impacted by this video. In my family I've not experienced the death of a loved one that I would consider it an impact on my being. When my mom's mom passed away I was definitely sad and sorrowful. But she was elderly, had had a long full life and she actually was in the OR when she passed away while the doctors were trying to repair some systemic issues she had going. The only heartaching, tears flowing for hours death I've encountered is when our cat, Kasey, suddenly fell ill and we had to let her go. Even now it brings tears to my eyes. This is where the video impacts me... the death of my cat. Let me explain.

I loved Kasey more than you could imagine. When she was taken from us, I privately cried for days. My heart hurt. My face felt painful from all the tears and yet, as I consider how much Jesus loves me and that He DIED for me, I've never once cried for his death. To some, this maybe folly, I know that. But until someone comes to the place where they know Jesus, they will never understand. Jesus is my friend, and just like Kasey or anyone else who I could lose to death, I should be ridden with grief. Well after yesterday I was. Jesus willingly died for me. He was beaten and bruised, spit on, a sword shoved in His side, nailed to a cross, couldn't breathe, a crown of thorns forced on His head (vision a rose bush being shoved on your head) and He did this all for me. Why hadn't I cried for that? I didn't deserve His sacrifice and He certainly didn't deserve that punishment.

I've been a Christian since I was in 8th grade. That is 32 years. I've had rough spots and speed bumps along the way, but I've always known Jesus was there. It has taken this long for me to realize that I haven't wept, just like He did when Lazarus died (http://bible.us/John11.35.NLT). Fortunately, just like Lazarus, Jesus rose from the dead. Even better news is that Jesus still lives today. Yet, just like my pastor, Pat Stark, says... you can't have Easter unless you have Good Friday when Jesus died. Just as a reminder of what Jesus actually went though, I believe Mel Gibson captured it best in The Passion of the Christ. If someone can look at this and not at least experience the emotion of the moment, then I would say they don't have a softened heart....I cannot watch this and not feel grief, for my Savior was treated so horribly.... yet He has the victory in the end.